Are Pro Dommes getting topped from the bottom?
Posted 5 years, 9 months ago at 11:27 am. Add a comment
One way for Me to discover what these interests are would be for Me to ask the question, “What are you interested in exploring in a session?”.
Does this practice induce a situation where the submissive is in effect “topping from the bottom”?
This topic could easily be the subject of a full length essay, but I’ll do My best to keep the length of this post down to a reasonable size. You may however, want to grab a cup of your favorite beverage before going any further.
This is one of those debates that never dies. There are those Pro Dommes that refuse to admit that there is even the slightest possibility that their clients have any control over their “paid for” service. Then there are those Pro Dommes that openly (knowingly or not) sacrifice a certain degree of control in the name of “quality customer service”.
Viewed from a completely different perspective, there are non-Pro Dommes that seem to enjoy snickering about what a farce Pro Dommes are because there’s no way they could possibly provide such a service without sacrificing a certain degree of control. To them, the Pro Domme is absolutely, without question, being topped from the bottom.
Where do I stand on this issue? Squarely on the side of rational reality, thank you very much. Pro Dommes are in fact providing a service, yes. Due to this fact, they have no choice but to be concerned with providing a high level of quality and satisfaction.
However, (saw that coming didn’t you?), since when does providing quality and satisfaction cause a strong Pro Domme to lose even the slightest degree of control? I make no apology for believing that a true Domme (pro or NOT) never sacrifices control unless doing so was a planned condition of the scene, as in a purposeful “switch” scenario.
It is indeed possible to satisfy a paying client without sacrificing control. How? Interviewing skills and honest open communication between all parties. I was taught many years ago, when I was first introduced into the BDSM -D/s lifestyle that the very foundation of any successful session/scene/relationship is in fact honest open communication, perpetuating the SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) power exchange.
To me, there is little difference between digging into a personal slave’s mind to find his/her buttons and interviewing a prospective client. Are non-Pro Dommes any less interested in satisfying the needs of their slaves? Shouldn’t they be?
I see many different levels of the power exchange dynamic these days. It is my opinion that it is the participant’s (both the Domme and the sub) perspective that makes all the difference in this argument. Are they interested in fantasy role-play, or are they looking for a realistic exchange of power?
The boundaries are clear in My mind. Pro Dommes deal with fantasy, pure and simple. While they must conduct an interview to find out what their client’s needs are, this isn’t much different than a non-Pro discussing limits with a play partner. (The only fair comparison between Pro’s and non is to consider the non pro relationship as a new one, long term relationships have already gone through this process.) A non-Pro Domme that sessions with a new sub without a “limits” discussion or some other equivalent is being irresponsible in My opinion.
I digress. While a Pro must concern Herself with the “service” She provides meeting the client’s expectations, this does not mean She must give up any degree of control to do so. A required skill of Our trade is knowing how to maintain control while providing the services that the client is paying for. Over time, building a working relationship with a repeat client allows for more exploration and expansion of limits.
A good Pro-Domme is insightful, investigative, and intuitive in regards to finding even the buttons that the client does’t know they have. She conducts sessions within the agreed upon limits set forth during the interviewing process, and includes a “post session” discussion to facilitate future enhancements to the client’s sessions.
While I’m sure that there are in fact some Pro-Dommes that wind up allowing themselves to be topped from the bottom in the name of customer service, I’m here to assure you that this is not always the case. Experience and an innate ability to maintain the exchange of power in a session are the qualities that make a Pro-Domme great.
I think I’ll end this article here. If I find that there are comments being made, I would be happy to clarify and expand on any part of this discussion.
Note Phone and Distance domination are no different in regards to this topic. Just last night I conducted a nice long session with a first time caller that actually recognized and acknowledged my ability to interview him and base our session on what I felt would serve us both best.
Don’t confuse the Pro Dommes with the truly dominant woman. Some of us happen to be both, and our clients can tell the difference. I don’t need to taunt you with humiliating and self absorbed propaganda. It is because I truly enjoy the psychological dynamics of power exchange that I have the ability to make my dominance over you painfully obvious. In most cases, I mean that literally!
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